Looking Up

How can I rely on a God
that constantly lets me fall?
And yet I know, 
the real promise was to catch us,
not keep us from falling.
Always, at the peak of things,
I'm brought down again.
a sad rollercoaster,
bleeding away,
keeps my mind in a state of dismay.
Is the sadness from me or my life?
and when I rely on Him,
can I stay strong during strife?
I'm falling down again,
can I force my eyes up?






I got fired today from my new job.  It's the first time I've ever been fired.  I showed up on time every day and tried really hard, but I kept messing up while training  because there was so much to remember.  The doctors got mad and complained to the manager, so now I'm back to looking for another job. I loved this job and thought that it was perfect for me, but I guess it was more than I could handle.


 The trip that all of our friends were going to take in July to Baltimore and West Virginia will have to be cancelled, because the reason we could go is because my hubby and I both had good full time jobs and we were carrying the bulk of the expenses.  I know that there are definitely worse circumstances in life, but this still really upsets me.  I really need to read some bible, especially the gospels.  

Shadow Circlets

Circlets of hate wrap around me,

Twining around me, capturing me.

Gilded cages of glowing light,

Only seeing the end of rainbow.

This darkness will never be bright,

From dark only hatred will grow.

I cannot feel for someone else,

Only what reflects back to the surface.

Flightless hope on false wings,

My eyes close to shut out the dark,

Things can’t keep on like this,

I fear becoming a shadow,

Being endless mist,

Because only those who dream can live.