If all I could do is reminisce,
I’d be stuck full of tears,
Drowning in loneliness.
My failures, hidden in clouds,
Surround my back-mind
In a blackened shroud.
My love was no love,
It was selfishness,
At first the two look so similar,
Then it’s hard to miss.
Oh, obsession,
You’ve left the station,
You’re on vacation,
But I’m only dreaming.
My heart tells me pretty lies,
My own conscience died,
And I’m left to die.
How much can I see,
When only darkness is in front of me?
When I bathe in pride and vanity?
Lust is my bathmat, sin is my soap,
God help me,
That I can still find hope.
Oh, obsession,
You’ve never known love,
Only desperation lies inside,
And my conscience has burned and died.
My only redemption is You, God.
My only freedom is in You, God.
If I could only see how much You love me,
If my sins were wiped clean I could see.
I’m on the fence between loving You and rebelling,
As long as I’m here my soul remains tainted,
But in You, I am given freedom from sin’s grasp,
After this is over I’ll be at peace, at last.
~~~~
I liked a guy a long time ago, and it was very one-sided. It lasted for four long years, and I never told him bow I felt, because I knew deep down that he was not a good guy and had a lot of issues. He was selfish and I was only entertainment for when he was bored, yet I would wait all day for him to talk to me. I thought, at the time, that I loved him, but looking back, now I know I was only selfishly motivated by my own obsession with him.
Things ended badly, but I can say that I have put the past behind me and have forgiven him. There is not a good enough word to describe how glad I am to know what real love is.
