Gilded filth

Give it up,
you're filling in for an angel,
your bright eyes are dim,
your smile is grim.
Words come out like blackened filth,
Your heart is evil,
Do you not harbour guilt?
You hold out a helping hand,
only to slap their face,
You tell them they did well,
but say it in the worst way.
Why do you judge?
Why don't you love?
Are our efforts to naught,
your heart with jealousy wraught?
We love you,
it's because we love you,
we say this because we love you,
you evil-hearted child.


My parents think that I am jealous and do not give sincere compliments.  I love my sisters, and my compliments, while they are normally thoughtful in nature, are always meant well.
I really don't seem to be able to give compliments that show my true intentions.  I will try, though.  I love them, and my parents.  I am just too weird in my thinking.

I didn't mean to-

Breath is wasted on filling my lungs,
when they are too filled with holes to inflate.
Giving it time and waiting for it is past,
Things no longer change - they crash.
Smattered on the pavement,
lying ripped open on the ground,
I'm lost in a nightmare that can't be saved.
Soundless crying pours from me,
hysterical and scared,
is this really happening?
So scared.




***
This is my first post in my newly created poetry blog.  I unfortunately started with a sadder poem, because right now there is some problems, both because I was in a car accident this week, and because of some problems with my family.  Both things went into this poem, and this was all very real to me.  My poetry is always based off of my real feelings and circumstances.  I have hope, but it is still a tough week.

~Melissa D.